This song gets me in the mood. It takes me right out of what i have been putting myself through for the past few months thus i am going to write this while it lasts, i am going to be honest with myself for as long as i can. Before i head back into the pit with imaginary shadows.

It gets so damn difficult to be a real person. Because i realised, being real requires balls and i dont have what it takes. Maybe one day i will have the courage and strength- but right now, im nothing short of falling. Awareness is so painful maybe thats why it is pretty damn easy to ignore either. It hurts like hell to know. No amount of remedy music can take you out once you do because then, who are you kidding.

I think i am aware of what this is. Its payback time.

You cannot cheat faith. If you dont have it, you dont have it. Everything about me is just plain untrue. I've kept myself away from pain for too long, not knowing when and how it started. Ask me anytime before this, id tell you yes world, im happy. But how could i have been when i cannot even vaguely recall when was the last time i actually felt sadness? Its so scary to have realisation fall upon you so suddenly and especially one of cowardice.

I shun loneliness. Now i know. Thats why no one hardly ever talks to me anymore. I turn a blind eye on things i see that reflects any slightest amount of pain. I thought i was great being this- not giving a damn, not allowing anything to get me down, gloating when someone "admires" that, but i just look stupid even to myself.

I screw up but no one ever leaves me. And the sad part is, i almost never learn. So maybe someone would tell me if there is a correct answer, is it worse to have screwed up and have people leave you or screw up again and again you hurt the people around you but they don't ever go?



Im finding my faith back. I dont know who am i to ask, but please trust me one more time.

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