tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56263032011-09-22T00:05:21.349+08:00About the things that will eventually fade away.stephnoreply@blogger.comBlogger10191100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-30130665982044416412011-08-30T11:22:00.005+08:002011-08-30T11:53:47.761+08:00

A few days ago, Saturday felt perfect, my heart ached to know that you weren't here to witness the day. A few days before i'm leaving, i'm sick to my stomach just thinking about it. Just yesterday, I had a conversation with my mum, she talked mostly. About random things. She told me that she's been tired these days, "perhaps age is catching up." It made me sad.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-47793149684969424242011-07-01T20:24:00.004+08:002011-07-01T20:30:33.284+08:00

I don't think it'd ever be possible to get over the death of a love one. My life is changing. I am changing. Suddenly somethings are not so important anymore.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-5219208739553917932011-06-03T02:01:00.004+08:002011-06-03T02:09:31.839+08:00

Happiness comes from within.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-32246553067096032802011-05-01T15:33:00.000+08:002011-05-01T15:34:35.747+08:00

The four walls, the repeating Nat Geo adverts and the unnerving frustration of free time.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-23419492927807592412011-03-24T23:37:00.003+08:002011-03-24T23:45:11.290+08:00

Its been sometime. Music that feels good and so accurately describes the life that you crave for. Can't put a finger to how good some songs are they just simply light up your soul. It is a drug that I will never ever regret taking. This illusion is just so real, its like you are finally at peace with yourself and the world.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-75758060989019271552011-02-14T01:17:00.004+08:002011-02-14T01:38:31.569+08:00

I'm nonchalant about a lot of things and it may seem like I don't care but its just the only way I know how to deal. So you can go ahead and put me down, be as unpleasant as you want, cut my lane then flash me, look straight past me or laugh at me. I don't care and certainly won't stop living because of you.There are already plenty of uncertainties in the future that scares us, sometimes enough

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-51213285288478670242011-01-26T21:22:00.004+08:002011-01-26T21:32:04.509+08:00

The worst you experience in people can break a day and potentially become burdens that would make you disregard the good. So I have decided to let the bad affect me just slightly (only because I can't help it) before placing them into a bottomless jar so darkness can consume itself. This jar shall be entitled "Not worth my time, energy and pain. Shame on you."

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-50415573657550428962010-12-24T15:27:00.003+08:002010-12-24T15:39:01.057+08:00

This year meant so many things and the best part of it all is to still be here, even though a little different on the inside but with the same people that i hold dear near, while thinking of the ones who are far away knowing that we would meet again someday. I remember feeling a little lost at this time of last year and the best gift I received was a new year, this year. Similarly heartbreaking

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-15289925845247965662010-12-03T00:05:00.002+08:002010-12-03T00:06:33.509+08:00

Whatever makes you happy.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-68481210005381558572010-10-16T14:58:00.001+08:002010-10-16T15:00:39.909+08:00

Good or bad, everything passes.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-90270312571814649082010-10-03T02:50:00.001+08:002010-10-03T02:51:36.942+08:00

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-89939204166002834732010-10-03T01:48:00.006+08:002010-10-03T02:30:08.927+08:00

So I don't want to live each day, as if it is the last but my very first. I want to be inspired everywhere I go and I won't blame this city for being dull. I will count on myself because there is nothing I cannot do. I want to provide for my parents with the time and patience that I am nurturing, I will never express gratitude with money. I want to be successful and success is waking up everyday,

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-85388987469555871242010-05-25T23:58:00.000+08:002010-05-25T23:59:04.209+08:00

I've found the perfect song for my funeral.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-82517578406914433362010-05-02T01:56:00.001+08:002010-05-02T01:57:36.111+08:00

I don't have alot of thoughts these days.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-21371433121015993952010-03-21T23:55:00.005+08:002010-03-22T00:31:37.347+08:00

We slept the entire day. I woke up almost every hour feeling the guilt and fear of rest which made me even more tired than ever. I miss the feeling of peace because I hate this anger, this impatience and distance between myself and the world. I'm awaiting the day we flee so I can stop telling you 'next week.' Sometimes words of comfort makes me feel more pathetic than the feeling itself. Are we

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-84254800772408196242010-02-24T23:34:00.005+08:002010-02-25T01:14:33.426+08:00

I walked out of the office and saw the silhouette of a majestic dog sitting quietly by the road. Three men stood apart talking as the owner threw out his commands in pride. Towards the junction, a slightly overweight dog crossed my path, caramel shade, it was without an owner but with a collar. Though alone, he showed no signs of loss nor abandonment but walked briskly, bearing the urgency of a

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-26910933398957165212010-02-16T23:16:00.004+08:002010-02-16T23:36:44.832+08:00

The world on a schedule, a repetition of daily tasks lies on the travelator, inching forward. Nantes by Beirut, song on repeat. In memory of a realistic moment that was dreamt of for everlasting joy and pain. Things come and go, they are containers that we fill with meaning measured by the amount of love we have and that will make anything worthwhile.Sometimes I wished I was a caveman. Born in a

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-45967004530014607372010-02-13T00:47:00.001+08:002010-02-13T00:49:15.356+08:00

“Men wanted for hazardous journey. Low wages, bitter cold, long hours of complete darkness. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in event of success.”

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-69915433153140148922010-01-19T07:54:00.003+08:002010-01-19T07:56:10.730+08:00

Her heart still dictates, and her hand obeys.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-53444608956123064592010-01-16T12:03:00.008+08:002010-01-16T13:32:01.531+08:00

The thing about living in a HDB flat is waking up to people whistling away in their shower. Horror #1 it probably came from the old man living two floors down, bad bad bad visual.Sadly horror #2 is that I recognised the tune.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-17377971858366688262010-01-04T16:47:00.007+08:002010-01-04T17:16:23.239+08:00

40 inchesWas what the measuring tape pointed to on Daddy's belly. As he stretched out the entire tape ensuring no discrepancies, I saw this look. It fell upon his face then into mine until our faces bore identical expressions of 'how did it get to the point of no-return?'Indulge then detach. Repeat. A very simple safety net formula that I live on, subconsciously.I have been thinking very hard on

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-66433119433920337052009-12-24T08:13:00.004+08:002009-12-24T08:46:45.476+08:00

0100 - And so begins the awakened nightmare as I made up my mind to order tehpeng0300 - Falls onto my bed after shower0400 - Tossed and turned0500 - Tossed and turned0530 - Frustrated, gave up. Peed. Turned on the lights. Read Fernand Baudin's How Typography Works (And Why It Is Important). Got bored. Continued page 112 of Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar. Stopped at page 113. Picked up Les Cashiers

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-25432935072522622742009-12-04T17:24:00.004+08:002009-12-04T17:33:02.130+08:00

Dear Lord,This year has been mostly depressing but I thank you for blessing me with loved ones and the beauty of musicians who write endless wonder. I am nowhere near to becoming the greatest that I want to be but I'm becoming fuller.I just need a kind favour from you. Help me walk tall. Help me walk tall, Jesus.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-6081792707197213052009-11-29T23:00:00.005+08:002009-11-29T23:28:26.524+08:00

I think you may never read this, I don't know if I want you to. If you do, could you never bring it up?I meant it when I said that you screw me up and I guess you did too when you said that I did the same to you. Such a constant struggle it is to remain inside the container of myself, a spacious surrounding that I've built over the years. Interacting with the world through a glass that keeps

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-49433474121676940832009-11-15T11:10:00.002+08:002009-11-15T11:14:51.904+08:00

Thought we were going To go up the field away Join all the other living souls But you never came Robbed of your fortune They gave disappointment to life You're probably poisoning your body I hope you're alright In a moment of fear You dig in your heels The pills won't help you now Once you're crying The only song on my playlist and mood.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-71296687681144066472009-11-14T01:54:00.003+08:002009-11-14T02:03:13.861+08:00

Yesterday I wore my favourite muji dress, shoes, bag, gosh i'm disgusting cos come to think of it, even my wallet is from muji. Shook Kenya Hara's hand and handled him my name card, both are gestures I still cannot fully register.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-68755749124458536442009-11-01T23:46:00.003+08:002009-11-01T23:48:48.122+08:00

I cannot wait to go on a long vacation, to get away. There is just too much to think about but when I do get away, i'm leaving these thoughts behind.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-91583899642841614842009-09-29T23:59:00.001+08:002009-09-30T00:00:40.819+08:00

Times like this you can think of nothing but to get fucked, stoned and die young.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-75676648992359505502009-09-27T12:38:00.001+08:002009-09-27T12:38:48.027+08:00

Fuck.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-15896139975533993662009-09-24T01:06:00.003+08:002009-09-24T01:07:53.285+08:00

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-12400239733635714272009-09-22T00:57:00.004+08:002009-09-22T01:05:39.472+08:00

Im lying on my bed just wondering. What if I allowed myself to feel all the pain in the world just for a minute? Would I be aware of the pain a mother feels if her child was stolen from right before her or that of a man injured after a car accident, if he knew he had killed someone? How about the ants we have crushed or the trees we have burned? Because you know they are not all the same.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-27901152128996786692009-09-16T23:34:00.001+08:002009-09-16T23:38:16.898+08:00

I must have eaten something, my fart smells horrible. I think, no i shouldn't.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-41665694753684039512009-09-07T22:20:00.001+08:002009-09-07T22:42:52.559+08:00

Its not that I stopped wanting to write. I've been trying to get here a few times but my internet's been acting strange I gave up. In fact i'd be surprised if I manage to eventually publish this. I am sitting half naked in my room typing and listening to Boy 1904. The assumption that this entry isn't going to publish has somewhat loosened my thoughts. Suddenly I feel more open than ever but i'm

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-81287630450416078022009-08-16T21:53:00.001+08:002009-08-16T23:47:55.750+08:00

how fucked up is it that our lives are just filled with so much junk?

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-43896647566038190412009-06-28T19:39:00.006+08:002009-07-03T11:19:40.061+08:00

I was just thinking as I painted, its been too long since i've had a nicely toasted sandwich at a cafe. I miss the taste of goodness and the promise of faith. Good food has that effect because subconsciously you would realise that someone you don't know took the time and effort for you.I don't think i was born to be a painter. I'm much too impatient and lazy for that. There are way too many lines

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-35771585488493363972009-06-25T00:27:00.005+08:002009-06-25T01:07:35.035+08:00

This feeling of immense weariness, i think it knows me inside out. How it gets me when i am listening to something that has its beat in tune with mine. The boredom of being trapped in this container, well it is pretty easy to get used to it. I always imagine myself in a far away land. Maybe as people we were not meant to be happy. Whatever it is, i treasure the simplest moments. You know they

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-50744176026370913722009-06-12T23:11:00.004+08:002009-06-12T23:25:30.464+08:00

Don't ask me why I cannot stand still.I'm tired yet it is still within me to question. I'm best at doubting, sometimes afraid of falling short but thats it isnt it? You just got to keep adjusting until you are comfortable. So what if comfort does not make you a superstar?I'm adopting your little anal habits. Beat the bed before you sleep, have the fan at your face after shower- be a cleaner

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-89324150278662270742009-05-17T23:37:00.000+08:002009-05-17T23:38:25.107+08:00

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-21328445542596889222009-05-10T11:20:00.002+08:002009-05-10T11:48:50.994+08:00

Its very odd how things can silently occur wearing a "of no significance" label. They make you think nothing of them, initially. More than often, these events hit you with the impact ten times larger when they become memories. The strangest memories (re)visit you to push you in your thoughts be it to make you laugh, cry or if evil, yearn for it. It feels like they back you up when your soul is

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-89207841326723000612009-05-05T23:12:00.000+08:002009-05-05T23:15:39.323+08:00

Things I am trying to learn:Forget it.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-47824115355611854662009-04-14T11:14:00.002+08:002009-04-14T11:16:16.273+08:00

Saint Alexius (Alexis Alex, Alexei, Alexius, Sasha) -grew up wealthy but enjoyed helping beggars. He wanted to devote himself to God, but his parents arranged a marriage for him. On his wedding day his fiancee agreed to let him follow his vocation. Our Lady spoke from a picture at church, pointing him out and calling him the "Man of God".

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-17951493666680252552009-04-09T03:53:00.001+08:002009-04-09T03:57:01.559+08:00

I know that I am so much better than that but I cant help but feel bitter.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-2764635933393774092009-03-20T01:55:00.000+08:002009-03-20T01:56:03.939+08:00

What's genuine?

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-55160439001992184832009-03-17T12:47:00.005+08:002009-03-17T13:17:49.112+08:00

I do not have a photographic memory but there are often images in my head that leaves me wondering if they happened at all. Thinking about how the world works makes me another number in this sequence. I rather dance than to stand in line. While the tiger on stage dig in on a man's crotch, I want to eat my cold cut trio. Of Montreal is a band you must catch again before you die. Maybe not on a

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-20569156266283503512009-03-04T17:01:00.002+08:002009-03-04T17:03:16.534+08:00

How shall i begin to write this? My father once told me off for half an hour straight because i was late for ten minutes. When i was young, he used to make me wait more than an hour at my aunt the baby sitter's place. It does not take a genius to figure out my destiny with time. Normally i consider myself early if i'm five minutes late. Of course, i'm not here to point fingers- i take full

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-6095427301846571292009-03-04T12:09:00.004+08:002009-03-04T12:21:00.527+08:00

I knew it was never going to happen when two friends converse casually about doing something when time was left unsaid. Both parties agree to "message when i'm awake". Its not just me. Its pretty mutual and clear to me that none of us want to exercise. Maybe Becky does but she is probably running in her sleep right now. Trying to keep fit is probably a waste of my time seeing that it never

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-67586546260916312502009-03-02T12:45:00.003+08:002009-03-02T12:57:40.853+08:00

Music puts me in an extremely good mood, especially El Ten Eleven. Signs that i should pass driving have started appearing. For example, today i boarded the bus and tried to scan my water bottle. How often do you see an amused bus driver?The voice is still not back. I can make sounds though. I dont know whats good to eat. I hate porridge. Who eats that? Stomach's empty but i'm full on life, i

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-64058855759295370912009-02-27T13:38:00.004+08:002009-02-27T13:49:08.937+08:00

Jesus is kind to me. I am only a little mermaid on dry land one day after the major presentation. The ability to speak is overrated anyway. Look at the amount of trash that comes out of our mouths everyday. If they were visible, they'd flood the earth and kill us all. (Not that i do not wish to regain my vocals)This morning I popped a green grape just so i can take my medication thus i am here on

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-72638797937717103392009-01-29T17:08:00.001+08:002009-01-29T17:20:26.446+08:00

Things are picking up.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-49856890161025363502009-01-25T22:28:00.002+08:002009-01-25T22:36:21.863+08:00

Maybe it is the period speaking. My mind's a mess, i feel unsettled. I cannot stop pacing. I am listening hard for a hint of assuring silence but this noise is overpowering i cant think. The cross sections of my mind's map has intersected way so many times, nothing is visible. This dark cloud is hanging above my head and all i can do is wait for it to pass. I would like to breathe elsewhere. I

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-20581724520352513802009-01-15T02:46:00.002+08:002009-01-15T02:53:06.410+08:00

Talk about a song that brings a tear to your eye.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-81595403937847077432009-01-13T11:33:00.002+08:002009-01-13T12:12:20.049+08:00

Here i am at turtle speed but finally catching up with majority of the world as i acknowledge the new year. Strangely, i have no difficulties penning down the right digits when i write my dates. Normally i start getting it right towards March. My body's clearly moving on faster than my mental state. I feel that we are eternally in a race to get somewhere. Fully charged at the beginning of the

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-31697648087859114532009-01-01T22:59:00.005+08:002009-01-01T23:23:27.117+08:00

Its a new year..WhateverHappy Birthday Daddy.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-17687856945644575162008-12-28T15:42:00.003+08:002008-12-29T02:29:29.287+08:00

There are things people will say, words that are untrue, makes you want to fight back but sometimes you can't find the right justification even for yourself. You stutter then stumble and finally fail so you allow them to hurt you. You start thinking, what if they were right all along?I say you give it time.Its late now. Radiohead makes me sad. I have an urge to watch the most depressing film ever

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-14450202357643686082008-12-27T14:07:00.008+08:002008-12-27T14:18:29.839+08:00

A cricket stations itself somewhere in mummy's wardrobe. Its monotonous chatter sounds through the entire night, interrupting the entire family in their sleep. Daddy says he's been having nightmares- wakes up in the middle of the night, knocks on my door asking if i heard it too. No, not really. Listen closely. Oh yes, i do now. Just trying to get work done has made me immune to my surroundings.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-85633224028033256512008-12-22T00:15:00.001+08:002008-12-22T00:15:32.702+08:00

i dont mean to whine but im in a bad state.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-60038066914156935062008-12-20T13:06:00.011+08:002008-12-20T13:34:05.960+08:00

One entire night of brainstorming has led to this- a huge headache which has led to an excuse to fall horizontal on the bed. Two slices of cheesecake, a sandwich for breakfast followed by panadol and a glass of water. I remember having a discussion about whether or not the amount of hair you have would eventually determine the amount of ideas you generate. If you have alot of hair, your mind is

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-10439291271057798442008-12-15T00:24:00.003+08:002008-12-15T01:20:29.297+08:00

I had a really nice walk to church this morning. The alarm rang at 1030, opened my eyes once, twice, it was already 1045. Did the morning necessities before putting on an old shirt and my favourite muji skirt. The only thing i was missing was a cosy sweater to keep me safe and warm.Christmas is here, peace is finally settling in.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-1580374346029737352008-11-29T02:41:00.003+08:002008-11-29T02:49:28.531+08:00

Sometimes you just got to face up to your own mistakes, accept that your carelessness has caused someone you love grief. Its tough, its nothing pleasant, not a glimmering piece of medal to hang on your chest. Its regret, disgust and a great sense of helplessness.When i open my eyes a bloody dove with a broken wing stumbles deathly by, and the sadness of the world is complete.Joseph Mattson

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-29386828192813679112008-11-23T01:25:00.003+08:002008-11-23T01:34:50.983+08:00

"I'm soo on my way to becoming a catholic..""Yep get baptized then get married..""Well being one is so much more than just becoming baptized. You have to actually live by the catholic ways you know.""Yeah, that means no drugs, no alcohol...""Eh.....""No clubbing.. Its all in the rules""Since when were there such rules-""Well, do you see Jesus clubbing?"

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-56339810347619764332008-11-21T17:30:00.003+08:002008-11-21T17:48:15.879+08:00

I had words to fill up this box but they've been forgotten. Sometimes i wish i had the memory the size of an elephant so i could record everything down, the things people say ;overheard conversations ;random thoughts that would come useful in time.Recently i've developed a huge appetite (its possible). Its a constant hunger permanently eating my insides. A thirst for knowledge, for words, for

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-81369582286342090732008-11-08T14:15:00.003+08:002008-11-08T14:23:26.796+08:00

I thought i was all grown up paying bills, having my own dinner and saving for my phone. All it takes to crush that is for a couple of people to ask if i was sec four and taking my o levels this year. Age. Subjective aint it?I'm neither moody nor grouchy, i'm just really lazy

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-49179504273851915472008-10-30T18:40:00.015+08:002008-10-31T11:05:15.665+08:00

To put it in a lame ass phrase, another year has passed yet again. A few days ago, i blew nineteen years of my existence off an awfully fantastic chocolate cake with "Lets grow old together" scrawled on it in white icing. Party of good food, alcohol and same friends, pretty unbeatable combination.So after i blew, bawled and burped at the cake, I bowed and made a birthday wish, in no particular

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-34346165092131466982008-10-19T18:00:00.015+08:002008-10-19T18:44:33.802+08:00

Hi brother,There is a chance that you'd never see this. Truth is growing bones can be quite a bitch. I'm truly sorry our beloved parents got lazy with you. Well, kinda. If i did things you are doing now back then, i assure you i would not have lived to see another light of day (ok, i'm exaggerating). I'd probably lose their respect and i think that is worse. Please try nothing that would reap

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-1274285304091053512008-10-18T13:18:00.005+08:002008-10-18T14:26:18.184+08:00

Its so funny that i was just telling a couple of good friends last night that i almost never remember my dreams. I do perhaps once a month but most of the time i close my eyes and fall into a sleep so deep the next time i open them, daylight has revisited. Last night's probably the time of the month.I was at some kind of banquet with people i knew but none of my close ones were there. In this

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-19407771051766939622008-09-27T22:22:00.003+08:002008-09-27T22:28:30.458+08:00

I was supposed to give mum her first insulin shot at 10pm. She told me to wait, just half an hour more. I can tell that she's trying to prolong the wait because she is afraid of needles.As for me, i am relieved. Half an hour is good.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-87176193217861678562008-09-16T00:27:00.002+08:002008-09-16T00:29:13.863+08:00

Hearing this really tortures me to the core right now."...i had to throw away the zinger burger..."

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-70676017114806463262008-09-15T00:33:00.001+08:002008-09-15T00:37:29.292+08:00

Natural disaster

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-41192670997820766802008-09-10T22:48:00.009+08:002008-09-10T23:32:46.969+08:00

So you ponder about everything in your life and most importantly, the bane of your existence. Once in awhile I have meaningful thoughts but I'm stupid enough to bring my notebook out without stationary. Memories get lost if they are not recorded be it by a photograph, someone else's mind space or written in a journal. Just like thoughts, they are gone forever if neither shared nor expressed. We

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-80620343007030854362008-09-03T17:23:00.001+08:002008-09-03T17:24:31.608+08:00

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-71030506522636923902008-08-23T21:14:00.004+08:002008-08-23T21:26:36.344+08:00

The iphone is here and im so set on getting it i havent even given my financial situation a thought. I just know that i want a new phone that looks fucking good. I don't care what it does, just as long as i can sms, make phone calls efficiently. Maybe a blackberry in a few years?Wait, i have close to 10 bucks.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-8272019017077608552008-08-23T21:09:00.001+08:002008-08-23T21:09:43.655+08:00

I like my hair a lot better when i don't shower

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-29517810237916223392008-08-21T23:17:00.003+08:002008-08-21T23:28:28.296+08:00

I've come to a point for once in my life friendship just fails and i dont know how to fix it at all. I never thought i'd live to see this day. I thought a few years ago that i could fail everything in my entire life but this i wouldnt. But i am. Today i confirm the hidden disbelief you always thought but never dare to mention. I, Stephanie Peh am a shitty lousy friend that you never wish you had.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-59585111954553725422008-08-10T11:36:00.007+08:002008-08-10T12:25:00.731+08:00

I was mentally figuring out the order of little things i was going to do. Hang the clothes, wash my face, get breakfast, put on clean underwear. They don't come automatic these days. You actually have to literally think before you act. Is literally a word overused? I liked being busy and stressed but i forgot how to. So right now, i have to think about liking it or i'm never going to finish this

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-47398459080415568512008-08-08T01:05:00.006+08:002008-08-08T01:18:52.533+08:00

Sometimes the night tries to kill you. You can still lose yourself no matter how tightly you hold on to your chest. Disregard this you say. Unsent messages. Unsaid words that carries nothing but pain. Whats the point? So filter. Filter before you regret.Help me out there. Can i be someone else?

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-61966469986382602312008-08-07T02:10:00.002+08:002008-08-07T02:11:52.695+08:00

i dont like youi wish you took better care of mei wish you loved me a little bit morei wish i felt important to youbyebye): sorry

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-91248080915307336422008-08-06T22:48:00.004+08:002008-08-06T22:51:30.074+08:00

I'm gonna spend tomorrow in entire solitude. All by myself, no interference of another body. Just me doing all the things that i love. My legs on the table, my finger in my nose. No judgments.No dogs. no dogs at all. NO DOGS SHEILA YOU HEAR ME?

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-83772433231398314252008-08-03T01:58:00.007+08:002008-08-03T04:17:17.628+08:00

I have been told that i build a wall around myself. Sometimes i seek and hide behind my bricks so that nobody can reach me. I'm safe there, even for a short while. I fear dependence.Once in a while, we all find ourselves unattractive. I don't know if there is such a thing as everlasting self-worth (i definitely havent experienced that) but i do know that we all fail and need other people or

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-72864045998498443422008-08-01T02:39:00.000+08:002008-08-01T02:40:40.844+08:00

I hate drinking vitagen without THE vitagen straw

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-15109609499298998472008-07-27T15:00:00.004+08:002008-07-27T15:12:15.400+08:00

Yes, John Lennon. I agree.Hullo my dearest friends, i lost my mobile again.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-37971999371780991592008-07-26T16:50:00.000+08:002008-07-26T16:53:25.360+08:00

Lets grow old together

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-39095295597818676872008-07-25T02:31:00.002+08:002008-07-25T02:34:58.561+08:00

For good grades, stock up on coffee, eat lesser during dinner, lock up your bed (if possible) and find something that actually works other than toothpicks when it comes to keeping your eyes open.These are the things i should have done hours ago

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-28228742223958866672008-07-23T02:50:00.002+08:002008-07-23T02:52:06.140+08:00

What is it about certain nights that makes its harder than the rest?

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-38224509851324727862008-07-22T20:16:00.002+08:002008-07-22T20:18:23.697+08:00

Ever walked down a long winding pavement that was made to separate the green grass of field into two? At 6pm, the birds they converge on these fields and they poke- with their beaks into the soil. We acknowledge birds, know that they exist but i attempted to consider just now the strange possibility of having creatures who are nothing like us and completely unfazed by us passing them by. We live

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-81134635535214690982008-07-22T02:05:00.002+08:002008-07-22T02:07:57.056+08:00

Taking pictures of anyoneSo let the sun shineLet it comeTo show us that tomorrow is eventualWe know it when the day is doneHey, im round and happy!

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-25334414092737278682008-07-15T21:52:00.006+08:002008-07-15T22:39:04.934+08:00

2008 is like the Shinkansen. While it is running almighty at 300km/h, we don't feel it. Like passengers happily eating their bentos, suddenly you are at your final destination and its time to finish up those halfway thoughts. The good thing is that literally nothing is allowed to sound so you are least likely to be disturbed. But what have you been doing in the first place? One thing is for sure

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-19015230588507328822008-07-13T00:03:00.002+08:002008-07-13T00:06:47.757+08:00

I am going to rise above.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-78039496572547587872008-07-12T05:37:00.005+08:002008-07-12T05:48:03.681+08:00

I've been to so many places. A lot has happened. I'm so relieved that i'm tired. Since i can't keep up anymore i get to stop running and finally breathe.I want to actually be a person.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-11369481137050002652008-07-09T12:06:00.004+08:002008-07-09T12:11:06.229+08:00

we owe video ezy about $250 worth of fine for overdue dvds

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-66586597639124957112008-07-09T03:51:00.002+08:002008-07-09T03:53:44.261+08:00

I think id just brush my teeth once more.. it is supposed to help right?

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-42823946537047517792008-07-09T03:22:00.009+08:002008-07-09T03:46:22.598+08:00

fuck this is too painful. oh god. i rather die than sit here and be judged for trying my best. i never meant this. this is the most i can take. maybe tmrw, id do better. but today ive arrived. i cannot go on any further. Jesus i am trying to hold myself together. but i keep tearing apart. the accumulated pain, the ups and downs. I rather be down all the way than to be sent to the skies only to

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-23537955806620910482008-07-09T00:07:00.003+08:002008-07-09T00:28:58.062+08:00

Today was a major blur. Presentation was weird. I was relating something halfway and poof! my mind went completely blank. I searched in vain for the words to form but all i could master was, "okay nevermind... forget it." Sometimes people look like monsters.Photojournalism is still a mess because Teochew Porridge is tough to shoot. It didn't help when i almost dropped the camera into the soup.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-34424786309597017782008-07-07T12:18:00.004+08:002008-07-07T12:29:43.785+08:00

My uncle called this morning to get bailed out of jail. His brother and sisters, they don't give a shit. They are busy, they have kids, they don't have the money. My mum included, who told us to say that she's in the hospital the next time he calls.I'm trying not to be disappointed but i'm failing. I'm getting angry at her, I'm saying a lot of words in my head. Please do not let them out.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-53663443142923621082008-07-06T22:39:00.002+08:002008-07-06T22:45:10.031+08:00

I want a bicycle.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-55586350116261683322008-07-06T17:03:00.004+08:002008-07-06T17:17:21.522+08:00

There is this pang in my heart whenever i listen to this song. Its like everyone i ever loved dropped dead and so many things they mean nothing when you are all alone in a pit where you will eventually find space to crumble then slowly shrink into nothingness

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-15716937969485977442008-07-03T09:08:00.003+08:002008-07-03T09:13:43.441+08:00

My thesis statement is... I need a new bag.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-18574649629654123872008-06-29T18:00:00.003+08:002008-06-29T18:13:10.252+08:00

From sometime ago, the bird and bee, mum and soundre lerche filled our hearts. Now i can hardly wait for the Death cab, not starting at 2.80 but what we've been waiting for since the beginning. The birth of indie turned us into cuties.

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-46254608547304981722008-06-29T13:32:00.006+08:002008-06-29T13:50:50.084+08:00

I feel awful. Sheila's granny is in the hospital and i failed to answer her call because i was sleeping and i left the phone on silent mode. Now shes not answering, all i can do is pray and hope like some useless shit. My mum is going to kill me because my school fees were not deducted for there were insufficient amount in my account. "Are you sure you are not going to spend the money if i bank

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-31632793372795972432008-06-27T01:35:00.018+08:002008-06-27T12:07:54.507+08:00

1:43am, I am glad it is no longer today. Yesterday was of weird conversations & too much awkwardness to handle. Trying is a chore to yourself but a pain to others. Forced interest, accommodating laughter, concern fresh from the mouth- still hearts. Nothing flows, i am too sleepy to think. Harmony, wherefore art thou? On days like that, screw it and thank coldplay for making some of the most

stephnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5626303.post-33834241553294339902008-06-26T11:13:00.008+08:002008-06-26T11:30:00.008+08:00

Friendship is too golden.I remember storming out of the school gates once. I was so angry. So mad and upset i didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to walk home to indulge in my self pity and curse everybody i knew.The thing is, i can't remember why.I don't even know if i eventually made it.What i remember is that for some reason, I stopped walking pretty instinctively to turn behind at

stephnoreply@blogger.com0